Lucina's Steamed Hams
by Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus
Summary: Steamed Hams but it's with Lucina and Waluigi on a date. Oh Lucina with her crazy explanations, poor Waluigi's gonna need his medication cuz when he hears Lucina's lame exaggerations, there'll be trouble in town tonight! "LUCY!"


Lucina was at her home somewhere within the Animal Crossing village used for Smash Bros battles named Smashville, with her having finished cleaning as she heard the doorbell ring. She answered it, spotting Waluigi standing there as she smiled, holding her hands together as she was excited to see him. She was waiting for a chance to have a date with the tall lanky dastardly man in purple, and now she finally had that chance.

"Well, Lucina, I made it, despite your directions..." Waluigi stated as he folded his lanky arms together, appearing exhausted from a lot of walking.

"Ah, Waluigi my dear, welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!" Lucina exclaimed as she winked, brushing back her long blue hair as a way to appear attractive.

"Wah." Waluigi yawned as he came in, taking a long look around the place as Lucina went into her kitchen, only to gasp in horror as she saw her oven emitting smoke, with her planned meal being on fire.

Oh, egads! My roast is ruined!" Lucina gasped in shock as she took a moment to think, glancing outside to see a nearby Wendy's as she pondered about the situation. "But what if... I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking?" She chuckled as she touched her fingertips together in devil like delight. "Delightfully devilish, Lucy."

Lucina was about to prepare and head out the window after opening it, when she spotted Waluigi looking at her in a suspicious manner, causing Lucina to gawk as she felt like she was caught in the act.

"Wally, I was just- uh, just letting go of my stinky farting clouds of doubt out the window so they don't stink up our date." Lucina profoundly stated as she then forced herself to unleash several deep pitched bassy farts, smiling with an embarrassed blush on her face as she winked, fanning the air with her left hand. "Care to join me?"

Waluigi pointed at the smoking oven as he was concerned, ignoring Lucina's farting while still having a glaring look in his eyes. "...Why the hell is there smoke coming out of your oven, Lucy?"

Lucina was quick to respond as she glanced at the smoke filled oven, turning back to Waluigi. "Oh, that isn't smoke. It's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having." She rubbed her stomach as she made a satisfied noise, holding her hands together. "Steamed clams."

Waluigi squinted his eyes as he shrugged and went back inside, with Lucina sighing of relief as she took off and headed to the Wendy's, spotting Wendy O. Koopa barking at several customers and employees in anger as she noted that the lone female Koopaling was the manager due to being the namesake, spotting Dry Bowser and Toadette working behind the counter, both of them dressed up like Wendy's employees.

"Oh, if it isn't my favorite OTP!" Lucina exclaimed as she leaned over the counter. "What are you two doing here?"

"Oh you know, just doing what we can to get the most out of a minimum wage," Dry Bowser stated as he was checking for any prepped meals.

"Yeah! Having a lot of jobs is really fun!" Toadette added as she twirled around, facing Lucina. "Say, aren't you on a date with Wally tonight?"

"Well that's the thing..." Lucina chuckled as she began touching her fingertips in that awkward way that anime shows would have their characters do. "I need to get food for our date so-"

"Wait, you're not going out?" Dry Bowser said in shock as he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "No reservations for a nice restaurant?"

"Sounds like they're not gonna go to first base," Toadette whispered with a naughty smirk on her face.

"Look, just cut the shit and help me out here. Besides, me and Wally aren't at that relationship yet." Lucina explained as she moved her hands about, placing them on the counter as she sighed. "Anyway, I need all the burgers and fries you got. This is an emergency."

"What kind of emergency?" Dry Bowser and Toadette asked in unison.

Lucina blushed as she sheepishly rubbed the back of her head with her left elbow. "I kind of burned my meal that I planned to have with Waluigi, so-"

Dry Bowser began to laugh his skull off his bony body (literally) as Toadette giggled uncontrollably, with Lucina feeling more embarrassed as everyone else looked on in confusion.

* * *

Later on, Lucina was back at her home, this time having a plate full of burgers and french fries as she left from her kitchen, having somehow squeezed through the window with no problem.

"Wally, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers!" Lucina exclaimed as she had a broad smile on her face.

"I thought we were having steamed clams..." Waluigi commented as he remembered what he talked with Lucina about earlier.

Lucina shook her head as she smiled, placing the plate down on the table. "Oh no. I said steamed hams! That's what I call hamburgers."

"...You call hamburgers 'steamed hams'?" Waluigi responded as he twisted his mustache, not exactly feeling that Lucina was telling him the truth.

Lucina nodded her head as she took a seat, rolling her right hand around. "Yes! It's a regional dialect."

"Uh huh." Waluigi said as he was getting more suspicious. "What region?"

"Uh, upstate Eagleland." Lucina blurted as she was trying her best to bluff her way through this rather awkward date.

"...Really. Well I'm just got back from Fourside a while back, and I've never heard anyone there use the phrase 'steamed hams'." Waluigi explained as he picked up one of the juicy burgers, looking at it closely.

Lucina brushed back her blue hair as she smiled, moving her right hand again. "Oh, not in Fourside, no. It's an Onett expression."

"I see." Waluigi said as he blinked.

Waluigi and Lucina went into the burgers and fries, with them managing to clear most of the plate as Lucina was eating more of the luncheon, as noted by her frequent belches.

"These burgers are quite meaty," Waluigi pointed out in between eating.

"Oh yes! At least they aren't flat like me..." Lucina trailed off, only to slap herself on the forehead as she groaned, muttering to herself in disgust. "Ugh, what kind of saying was that...?"

Several long minutes passed as the two daters kept eating the burgers and fries, with the oven causing more smoke in the kitchen as the house was about to soon feel a situation more hot that the date going on at the moment...

"You know, Lucinda, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Wendy's." Waluigi pointed out after taking a bite into his burger.

"Oh ho ho ho, no." Lucina laughed as she squinted while holding her glass of champagne. "Patented Lucina burgers. Old family recipe."

"...For steamed hams." Waluigi said as he raised his right eyebrow.

"Yes!" Lucina screamed with a straight face.

"Yet you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they are obviously grilled." Waluigi responded as he revealed the burger's grilled mark, with it being full _despite the fact that he already bit into it._

Lucina gulped, beginning to sweat as she noticed that she was running out of excuses, combined with the fact that she was shocked how Waluigi's burger could return to normal despite him having eaten a piece of it already.

"Ye-" Lucina burped as she wiped her mouth with a napkin, stuttering as she was at a loss for words. "You know, the-" She let out a muffled fart. "One thing I should-" She cleared her throat as she stood up. "Excuse me for one second."

"Of course." Waluigi said in response as he was finishing up his burger.

This course of action allowed Lucina to go right into her kitchen, seeing everything was red in flames as the oven has been engulfed by the fire, with her sweating from being nervous over her bluffing and the intense heat. She clenched her fists as she briefly pulled out her sword, then slammed it onto the fiery oven, with the sword melting way as she slapped her forehead with her right hand. She decided to use this as a way to cool herself off, calmly stepping outside as she yawned loudly.

"Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I'm pooped." Lucina stated, unintentionally following up her last statement with a wet fart.

"Yes, I should be-" Waluigi started as he spotted the rising flames coming out of Lucina's kitchen, his eyes bulging right out of his eyes in disbelief. " **Good Lord,** what is happening in there!?"

"Aurora borealis!" Lucina exclaimed as she then covered her mouth with both of her hands, having just blurted that out with no thought to what she needed to say.

"Ah-" Waluigi was stunned, an angered expression of confusion on his face. " **Aurora borealis!?** At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen?"

"Yes." Lucina answered as she lowered her hands, feeling a bit more confident.

Rather than snapping like he usually would, Waluigi took a few moments to think as he adjusted his purple shirt. "May I see it?"

Lucina thought about it, shaking her head as she simply responded, "No."

Lucina and Waluigi walked out of the house, with the interior now burning up in flames as Lucina closed the door behind her.

"Lucy, the house is on fire!" Chrom exclaimed as he wasn't wearing his shirt and had some fish sticks in his hands.

"No father, that's just the northern lights." Lucina calmly stated as she looked up at her panicking dad, glancing back down at Waluigi.

"Well Lucina, you are an odd girl, but I must say..." Waluigi stated, then gave Lucina a headpat and a kiss on the cheek as he smiled while holding his hands behind his back. "You steam a good ham."

Lucina was overjoyed. Not only did she manage to go through her date while bluffing her way through an awkward time, but Waluigi enjoyed his time with her. Oh things were going up for her...

...at least for the moment. Until Lucina's senses kicked in and realized that her entire house was now on fire.

 _This truly was an unforgettable luncheon. But unfortunately for Lucina, due to her burning house, she would have to give the Animal Crossing villagers her lame exaggerations, and boy there'll be trouble in town tonight!_


End file.
